There You Are
by tova77f
Summary: AU picking up where Resolutions ended...Chapter 23 UP and Finished...Chakotay finally confronts Kathryn about her recent behavior; will he be able to help her...please read & review
1. Chapter 1

_I do not own the characters of Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay, or any other character that I may include in my story...Paramount does. I hope you enjoy the story and provide feedback. Would love to hear what you have to say._  
  
It was early, before her duty shift was to even begin. Kathryn was sitting in the unlikeliest of places...sickbay. Everyone on Voyager knows how much she dreads being in sickbay, but here she was, sitting on a biobed, waiting for the doctor to return from his office. As Kathryn waited, she began to think to herself. It was almost a month since she and Commander Chakotay had returned from New Earth. She smiled at the thought, but then her mood quickly changed to one of sadness. For Kathryn, she wanted to put what happened between her and Chakotay on the planet behind her, while Chakotay couldn't and didn't want to forget. A lone tear escaped, sliding down her cheek as Kathryn began to remember...  
  
Kathryn and Chakotay began to realize parameters were starting to disappear the longer they were on the planet they called "New Earth." Chakotay watched as Kathryn blossomed into the woman she should be outside the command structure. After the night he recited the "angry warrior" story to Kathryn, they shared their first kiss. It sent tingles down Kathryn's spine and when they went separately to bed, all she could think about was the kiss. Over the next few days, Kathryn and Chakotay spent more time together and she finally told him how she really felt...that she loved him. Chakotay's heart soared and that night they made love. Within the week however, Voyager had contacted them. The night before Voyager was to arrive, they made love again and Chakotay held her through the night as she cried herself to sleep. Chakotay knew in his heart that this would be the last time he and Kathryn would be together like this. When Kathryn had finally fallen asleep, Chakotay just stared at her...she was so beautiful, even with her tear-stained face. When he awoke in the morning, Kathryn was not in bed. He got up, slipped some pants on, and proceeded into the main room. Looking out the door he found her dressed in her Starfleet uniform and watching the sunrise. He walked outside and said, "Good morning Kathryn." "Good morning Commander," Kathryn quietly responded back. At that moment Chakotay's heart sank and Kathryn tried not to notice, afraid the tears would begin to flow again. Both walked back inside the shelter in silence to pack the remainder of their things. Within a few hours they were back on Voyager...  
  
"Captain? Captain?" the Doctor kept repeating. Kathryn finally snapped out her daze and wiped away the tears from her face. The Doctor spoke again, "Did you hear what I said Captain?"  



	2. Chapter 2

"Captain? Captain?" the Doctor kept repeating. Kathryn finally snapped out her daze and wiped away the tears from her face. The Doctor spoke again, "Did you hear what I said Captain?"  
  
"You're pregnant."  
  
All it seemed Kathryn could do at the moment was barely nod her head as she looked at the Doctor. She knew full well who the father of her baby was and that seemed to bring even more sadness. The Doctor noticed the tears that began to form and placed his hand on hers, giving it a reassuring squeeze. He finally spoke quietly, "You knew before coming here this morning that you were pregnant didn't you?" Kathryn nodded again. "Does he know?" The Doctor saw her make no movement and he knew the answer. The Doctor could tell she knew who "he" was. More silence passed before Kathryn finally spoke since having walked into sickbay. "I don't think I can do this" she quietly said. Not wanting to add anymore stress to her, the Doctor suggested that she return to her quarters and take some time to think things over. Without any hesitation she agreed and walked out of sickbay, leaving a very worried Doctor behind.  
  
Kathryn didn't remember the walk back to her quarters, but before realizing it she was there. She quickly glanced towards Chakotay's quarters before entering her own. Once inside she contacted Tuvok, letting him know she would not be reporting for bridge duty. She should have contacted Chakotay instead, but didn't feel like answering any of his questions as to what might be wrong. Kathryn grabbed a blanket from her bedroom, wrapping it around her body as she sat down on the couch. No sooner did she sit, did the tears begin to flow. Her whole body began to shake as she sobbed harder. She stretched out on the couch, tears flowing, crying herself to sleep.  
  
Several hours later, Chakotay was standing outside Kathryn's quarters. When he found out from Tuvok that Kathryn would not be reporting for duty, he decided to stop by during his break at lunch to see if she was okay. Ever since they had returned from New Earth, Kathryn had become distant. He knew to expect it, but at the same time wasn't prepared either. Kathryn quit inviting him for evening dinners in her quarters and declined his requests when offered. She know longer spent holodeck time with him. She had completely shut him out of her life. He remembered when he called her on it a week after they had returned. That instead made things worse because it ended in a terrible argument between the two of them.  
  
Chakotay sighed as he snapped back to reality, running his hand through his hair, remembering what he came to do. He rang the chime several times, but there was no answer. Chakotay punched in the override code and entered Kathryn's quarters. 


	3. Chapter 3

Upon entering Kathryn's quarters, he found it to be pitch black. He requested lights at 10% and that is when he found Kathryn wrapped in a blanket, lying on the couch. Stepping closer he could see the tear stains on her face and he was flooded with memories from their last night on New Earth..._making love to Kathryn and then holding her as she cried herself to sleep_. He gently bent down in front of the woman he loved more than life itself and could only wonder what has been going through her mind these last few weeks. He wanted to remember how she was on New Earth...carefree and full of laughter, but looking at her now made him feel so sad. Not wanting to wake her, Chakotay turned around to leave, but accidentally walked into the chair directly behind him, causing it to slam back down on the floor. Kathryn woke with a start.  
  
"Chakotay, what are you doing here?" she said.  
  
"I just came to check up on you since you didn't report for duty this morning." Without looking at Chakotay, she quietly said, "I'm fine" and started walking to her bedroom. Chakotay followed her, knowing full well that she wasn't fine. "Kathryn, you are not fine. I come in here, find that you have been crying, not just today, but a lot since we have returned. Don't think you have been good at hiding it. The dark circles and puffy eyes are a pretty good indication."  
  
Kathryn, briefly taken aback by his tone, whirled around and countered, "And how dare you come into my quarters. I didn't ask you to did I? No! I wish you would just go Chakotay. Leave me alone!" With that, she stormed past him, putting as much distance as she could between them. She stopped in front of the viewport, trying to stop the wave of emotions that were starting to hit. Chakotay didn't want to leave things like this so he slowly walked up behind her, placing a hand on her shoulder. He felt her flinch slightly, but then began to relax.  
  
"Kathryn, I don't want to fight with you, but I'm here because I care about you and want to help. I know your going to be angry with me for saying this, but ever since we came back from New Earth you have changed so much. Not for the better either," he paused, watching her reflection in the viewport. When he didn't receive any response he pressed on, "I know our time down there was special and that it broke your heart as much as mine to return to the ship. I could see it in your face the morning we left. I really want us to work past all this and try to go back to where we were before this happened."  
  
"I don't think that is an option now." Kathryn instinctively took her hand down to her abdomen before moving it back up to wipe the tears from her face. Chakotay placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her around to face him.  
  
"Kathryn, you know how much I care about you and I'm willing to wait until we reach Earth before having anything more than we did on New Earth again. I miss our friendship more than anything right now." Chakotay's said eyes looked into Kathryn's.  
  
"I miss it too Chakotay." Kathryn, forgetting for a moment everything, let Chakotay wrap his arms around her as she began to cry again. He ran his hand up and down her back, trying to provide whatever comfort he could. At the moment Chakotay heard the sobs end, Kathryn slowly began to push away.  
  
"You really should go Chakotay." Not wanting to cause anymore distress with her, feeling as though something minor had been accomplished, he agreed. "We will talk some more Kathryn." Chakotay kissed her lightly on her forehead and then left.  
  
Kathryn collapsed on the floor, no energy to keep her standing any longer. Running her hand back over her abdomen, "if only things could be as simple as you say Chakotay." 


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning Kathryn arrived early for her duty shift, not wanting to run into Chakotay. The dark circles under her eyes were proof that she had not yet come to a decision. As she tried to concentrate on the report she was reading, her mind kept wandering. _How can I deny Chakotay the child that he has always wanted? But how can I as captain carry this child to term? There are too many demands on me. What if we were to get involved in an unexpected battle? What if I am hurt?_ Kathryn shook her head and tried to focus again on the report. _Protocols...regulations_. She threw the report on the desk. She was getting no where. Walking over to the viewport, she stared out, watching the stars go by. Tears began to form and she cursed inwardly. She did not want to fall apart again...not now. _This is not the time or place to have a child_. It just won't work! Kathryn sighed heavily. Maybe the decision was now made for her.  
  
An hour later Chakotay arrived for his shift and not suprising Kathryn wasn't on the bridge. He wondered if he should even go to her ready room, or leave her alone. Despite his better judgement he walked over to the ready room doors and waited to be let in.  
  
She heard the first chime, but said nothing. She knew who it was. The second chime sounded and she gave in, "Come."  
  
"Good morning Commander. What can I do for you?" Chakotay walked up to her desk and noticed the dark circles evident under her eyes. "I just wanted to check to see how you were doing."  
  
"As you can see I am doing quite well and if there isn't anything else, I really must get back to all these reports that need my attention," Kathryn said, hoping he would take the hint and leave.  
  
"Of course Captain. I'll be on the bridge." Chakotay wanted to say more, but didn't feel as if it was the right time. He walked back to the bridge, taking his place in his chair. Hours passed and Kathryn remained in her ready room. He didn't see her emerge until the end of her shift, when she seemed to go quickly to the turbolift. Chakotay sprang from his chair and made his way for the turbolift as well. Making it just in time, he could feel the tension in the air as soon as he entered.  
  
Kathryn quietly wished the turbolift would go faster so she could get to her quarters. No one spoke a word and when the doors opened, Kathryn quickly tried to exit. Chakotay followed behind and grabbed a hold of her arm. Kathryn turned around with anger in her eyes.  
  
"Let go of me," she spat.  
  
"Kathryn, I think we need to talk, now!"  
  
"Fine!" Not wanting to create a scene, Chakotay let go of Kathryn's arm and they walked to her quarters. He knew once inside he would face her wrath, but once and for all he was determined to talk about what was going on between them. 


	5. Chapter 5

"How dare you!" Kathryn yelled as soon as the door to her quarters closed. "You have some nerve you know that. What if someone had seen us?"  
  
"Is that all you're worried about Kathryn, what someone would have seen? It's not as if anything happened out there."  
  
Before Kathryn could respond she felt a sharp pain in her abdomen and fell to the floor. Chakotay was instinctively at her side. "Kathryn, what's wrong?" he said worriedly. "Nothing, please just go!" As she tried to get up, another pain hit. "This is nothing Kathryn." He touched his commbadge, "Medical emergency! Two to beam directly to sickbay!" Both felt the tingle of the transporter surround them.  
  
"Doctor! Doctor!" shouted Chakotay. The Doctor raced from his office as he saw Chakotay placing Kathryn on a biobed. "What happened?"  
  
"We were talking and then she just fell to the ground in pain." The Doctor gave Kathryn a hypo to relax her and then motioned Chakotay away from the biobed. "Commander, I would like for you to wait in my office while I examine the Captain." Chakotay was about to protest, but the Doctor gave him a stern look. He walked into the office, feeling so helpless as all he could do was watch through the window.  
  
The Doctor walked back over to the biobed and looked down at his Captain. He wanted to be sure from her before revealing too much to Chakotay. "Does he know yet Captain?" Kathryn nodded no. "From the looks of things, I don't believe the two of you were 'just talking' as the Commander claims." Kathryn turned her head to look away from the Doctor and quietly spoke, "I haven't yet made a decision about this whole situation Doctor." The tears began to form. The EMH placed a hand on her shoulder. "Captain, I would suggest that you take the next few days off. The added stress is not good for you either way. I will try and figure out something to tell the Commander. You should take the next few days and rest, but if all possible, come by and speak with me. We can discuss your options. Maybe I can do something to help you out, even if I am just a hologram." Kathryn looked at the Doctor as he gave her a small smile.  
  
She slowly got up and saw Chakotay walk out of the Doctor's office, worry shown all over his face. "How is she Doc?"  
  
"The Captain is doing better. She is just suffering from stress, exhaustion...I think you get the picture. I have suggested that she take a few days off to just relax, hopefully this kind of thing doesn't happen again." The Doctor hoped Chakotay would buy this.  
  
In the back of Chakotay's mind he knew this couldn't possibly be the answer, but went ahead and accepted it. "Can she return to her quarters?" The Doctor looked at the Captain and then to the Commander. "As long as she promises to rest for the next two days...otherwise she will have to remain here."  
  
Kathryn gave him a stern look, but then her face softened. Both she and Chakotay left sickbay in silence and didn't speak until they were outside her quarters. "Kathryn, I'm sorry about what happened tonight. I never should have let you get so upset with me, although I do believe that there is more going on that what the Doctor said." Kathryn's head shot up quickly and Chakotay finished, "I care very much for you and if there is something wrong, I wish you would tell me."  
  
Both stood in silence for a few seconds before Kathryn reached up and gave him a light kiss on the cheek. "Goodnight Chakotay," pausing in her open doorway, "and thank you for caring so much." The door closed behind her and Chakotay was now alone. He then walked back quietly to his quarters. In her quarters, Kathryn climbed into bed and cried herself to sleep. 


	6. Chapter 6

Kathryn woke the next morning and remembered the Doctor's orders: _rest...rest...rest_. She groaned inwardly, but knew it was for the best. Climbing out of bed, she headed for the sonic shower. She instinctively placed her hand on her abdomen, _I seem to be making a big mess out of this aren't I?_ Kathryn sighed as the water ran over her body. Once finished she stepped out and wrapped a robe around her body. Heading over to the replicator, she thought it would be a good idea to have a little something to eat, not being able to remember when the last time that was. She grabbed a book from her bedroom, replicated a bowl of fruit, and sat down on the couch. She had a feeling this was going to be a long day.  
  
In the messhall, Chakotay sat alone trying to eat his breakfast, but couldn't seem to get what happened with Kathryn last night out of his mind. B'Elanna walked up to him, stirring him from his thoughts. "Hey, is this seat taken?"  
  
"Huh? Oh, of course not. Have a seat. How are you?"  
  
"I think the question should be targeted to you. What's up? You don't look like you slept at all." She watched as Chakotay tried to stifle a yawn.  
  
"I'm just worried about the Captain. There is something going on with her and I can't quite put my finger on it yet."  
  
"You know Chakotay, if you don't mind me saying, you two have not been the same since we beamed you back from that planet. What happened down there? You've never talked about it."  
  
Chakotay sighed...maybe if he talked to someone it would give him a new perspective on the situation. "Kath-, the Captain and I became very close on the planet. We shared a lot, got to know each other a little more, and like I said, we became very close." B'Elanna nodded in understanding. "The day Voyager contacted us, it was like our whole world fell apart. And the day we left, she became the Captain again, and not the woman I came to finally realize how much I truly loved, although no matter who she is I will always love her."  
  
B'Elanna could see the tears begin to form in her old friend's eyes. "Chakotay, I think that person is still there, it's just from what I have seen she is wrapped up in protocols and regulations. I have a feeling she loves you just as much as you love her, but she is scared of going against what she was always taught. Do you want me to talk to her?"  
  
"No, that's alright. I don't want to put her under anymore pressure than she already is. I really have to get going though. I'll talk to you later." B'Elanna watched as Chakotay left the messhall. She hoped things would be resolved between him and the Captain soon.  
  
The next day Kathryn awoke to feeling slightly more relaxed than she had been. She agreed to meet with the Doctor today so he could do another check-up and discuss her options with her. After replicating something to eat, she made her way to sickbay. "Ah, good morning Captain! Why don't you take a seat over there and I'll do some scans to see how you are doing." Grabbing a tricorder, he began his work. "How are you doing this morning? Any pains or discomfort?"  
  
"No, I feel a little more relaxed today. I slept well last night for a change."  
  
"That's good to hear. Why don't we step into my office and talk so we aren't disturbed."  
  
Kathryn took a seat, starting to feel a bit nervous. "Well Captain, scans show you to be doing much better today. Stress levels are still a bit on the high side, but have gone down considerably since the other day. If you wish to continue with this pregnancy you are going to have to manage your stress a lot better than this."  
  
"That's the thing, I don't know if want to go through with this pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, I want to have a baby more than anything, but being a Starfleet Captain, stranded in the Delta Quadrant isn't exactly an ideal setting. What if something was to happen during or after the pregnancy? I don't think I could forgive myself."  
  
"Captain, I understand your concerns, but have you forgotten there is already a baby on board Voyager." Before the EMH could continue, Kathryn interrupted, "Ensign Wildman is not captain of this ship. She doesn't have to worry about the lives of over 100 crewmen!"  
  
"Captain, calm down please. I was only trying to make a point," the Doctor got up and moved to sit on the edge of the desk in front of her. "Captain, I know you realize the options in this situation: you can terminate the pregnancy, which I really don't think you want to do; you can allow someone else to carry the child for you, whether you want to disclose your identity or not; or you can choose to have this baby, which I really think in your heart you want to do."  
  
Kathryn slowly looked up, tears streaming down her face. "Chakotay came to see me last night, just briefly. He wanted to inform me that earlier in the day sensors had picked up a planet with similarities to that of Earth. He was able to contact the Prime Minister of the colony that lived there and considered allowing the crew to have shore leave on the planet. The Prime Minister wishes to speak with me before officially agreeing to anything. I think, if all goes with the Prime Minister, I might take some time on the planet...find a quiet place."  
  
She saw a small smile on the Doctor's face. "I think that would be a good idea. Am I to assume you might be close to making a decision."  
  
"I think so. I just hope in the end I make the right one." Kathryn stood up and began walking out of the office. "Oh and Doctor, thank you for listening."  
  
"No problem Captain." The Doctor watched her leave sickbay and hoped that in the upcoming months there would be a new bundle of joy on the ship.  
  
Later that day, Kathryn spoke to the Prime Minister of the planet D'kar. She found him to be completely hospitable and granted shore leave for the crew, along with her request...a small, secluded cabin away from town. She wanted to be by herself before she came to her final decision. Once the transmission had ended she contacted Chakotay and let him know that the crew could start taking shore leave tomorrow. She also added that she would be going down to the planet as well, something that took Chakotay by surprise since it always seemed hard to get her to take a break. He noted however that as of late, a lot of things seemed to be different with her.  
  
Once she was finished making all the arrangements, Kathryn started packing some things that she would need. She was actually looking forward to spending some time on the planet. 


	7. Chapter 7

The following day Kathryn gathered together the rest of her things to take down to the planet. She contacted Tuvok, instead of Chakotay, to let him know that she was about to beam down. Making her way through the halls of Voyager to the transporter room she hoped that she would be able to come to a decision while on the planet. Entering the transporter room, she gave the coordinates to the Ensign on duty and was beamed down.  
  
Kathryn found the planet and cabin to be more than she expected. The Prime Minister had assured her the location would be very secluded and he was right. The cabin had two adjoining bedrooms, a bathroom, kitchen, and a large living room with what looked to be something of a fireplace. The Prime Minister had mentioned that the nights tend to get a bit cool on occasion. A small stream flowed outside the cabin. Kathryn decided to put her things in one of the rooms and take a walk along the stream. The Prime Minister had also informed her that she would be a great distance from the city and so there was no chance that she could be disturbed. Once outdoors, she found the atmosphere quite calming and also reminiscent of New Earth. Along her walk she found a nice, comfortable spot under a tree and took a seat. Pulling her legs closer to her, Kathryn began to remember all the good times she and Chakotay had shared on the planet. Especially when she finally admitted to Chakotay that she loved him. _Why did that decision seem to be so easy to make? Maybe, it was believing that they would never be on Voyager again. There weren't any protocols or regulations. But what about now?_ She leaned back against the tree and sighed heavily. Even more, Kathryn hated the way she had treated Chakotay when they returned to Voyager, before finding out that she was pregnant. She wished her decision now was as easy as her decision on New Earth. Realizing she was starting to get hungry, Kathryn made her way back to the cabin.  
  
By the time she reached the cabin, Kathryn was not only hungry, but also exhausted. She was beginning to realize how much physically this was taking out of her. Kathryn had packed some sandwiches and other food items before leaving the ship and decided to find something to eat. After starting a fire, she pulled a sandwich from her bag and took a seat in the living room. She watched the flames dance hypnotically in the fireplace and before long found herself trying to stay awake. Promising herself that tomorrow she would come to a decision, Kathryn headed off for bed. She was asleep in minutes.  
  
Morning came before Kathryn knew it and once up, she decided to take another walk and explore more of the planet. She packed some sandwiches and headed out the door. Morning came and went, and Kathryn was truly amazed with the beauty of the planet. As afternoon slowly crept in, she noticed that a storm was approaching. Gathering things quickly, she started heading back to the cabin. As she approached the cabin, she noticed someone standing on the porch. Getting closer, she knew exactly who it was. _What is he doing here? Didn't he realize that I wanted to be left alone!  
_  
"Commander, what can I do for you?" Chakotay tried to ignore the angry tone in her voice. "I wanted to make sure that you were fine Kathryn."  
  
"And why wouldn't I be?" Kathryn walked past Chakotay without even looking at him.  
  
"I'm sorry that I disturbed you, but several crewmembers are being treated in sickbay. It appears that the food on this planet leaves a lot to be desired. We have reported several cases of nausea, headaches, and fever. I just wanted to be sure that everything was alright here."  
  
"Well, as you can see Commander, things are just fine." Kathryn noticed the storm getting closer. "I think it would be a good idea if you contacted Voyager to beam back before the storm hits."  
  
Chakotay could tell that she was trying to get rid of him and not wanting to anger her any further felt it best to leave. "Chakotay to Voyager...One to beam up."  
  
"I'm sorry Commander. The storm is affecting our transporters and we are unable to beam you back up to the ship," said Harry. "It appears the storm will be over your location for quite some time, so you may not be able to come back until morning."  
  
"Thank you Harry. Chakotay out." Chakotay turned around to find that Kathryn had disappeared into the kitchen.  
  
"It looks like I will be staying here for the night."  
  
"So I heard." Kathryn kept her back to him...not wanting Chakotay to see how upset she had become. It didn't seem to help because Chakotay was behind her in seconds with his hands moving up and down her arms.  
  
"Kathryn, I didn't come down here to argue or upset you. I was only worried about you. Maybe this is the opportunity you need. Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong. Let me help you." Kathryn turned around and could see the pleading in his eyes.  
  
She wanted so badly to tell him. This could be the perfect opportunity. There would be no intrusions; it was just the two of them now. At that moment a loud crash of thunder broke the silence between them. "I...um...I have some sandwiches that I brought with me from the ship. Are you hungry?" She moved her gaze away from his.  
  
Chakotay realized that she was trying to avoid talking to him by changing the subject. "Sure. Why don't we take some into the other room and sit in front of the fire."  
  
Each took a seat at opposite ends of the couch, eating in silence. They appeared to be more like strangers than friends. Kathryn finally spoke, "Do you still think of New Earth?"  
  
"All the time, you?"  
  
"I can't get that place out of my mind. For once in my life I felt at peace and then they came back for us. I don't know if a part of me is angry or happy with Tuvok. I miss what we had there." Chakotay looked over at her as soon as she stopped talking and saw the tears flowing. He instinctively moved closer and put his arm around her. He could feel her tense at first, but then relax as she sobbed harder. He hated seeing her like this.  
  
Kathryn cried for the pain she was feeling and for what she felt she lost when Voyager returned. Several minutes passed before Chakotay heard the sobs end. Then he felt her weight shift and realized that she had fallen asleep. He slowly picked her and took her to one of the bedrooms. Before heading to the adjoining room, he bent down and kissed Kathryn on the forehead, "I love you." 


	8. Chapter 8

Chakotay was awakened in the middle of the night by a small noise. Not sure where it was coming from, he got up, looked into the adjoining bedroom and found Kathryn was not in bed. Walking out into the main room he could see her pacing the floor. "Kathryn," she jumped upon hearing his voice. "I didn't mean to startle you. What are doing up? It's still late."  
  
"I didn't mean to wake you Chakotay. Please go back to bed."  
  
He walked up to her and placed his hands on her arms, "Kathryn something is eating you up inside. What is it? I wish you would tell me." Kathryn looked up into his eyes and finally decided that this is it. She had to tell him.  
  
"I...um...well, there is something that I do need to tell you." Chakotay looked at her with a worried expression as she tried to get the words out. Tears slid down her cheek and then she felt Chakotay's fingers wipe them away. "What is it Kathryn? You're starting to scare me."  
  
"I'm...I'm pregnant." It was barely a whisper, but in the quietness of the room Chakotay knew exactly what she had said. He pulled her into an embrace as a smile formed on his face. "Kathryn this is wonderful!"  
  
She began to push away from Chakotay, "please let me go." He stood back stunned by her actions.  
  
"Aren't you happy about this Kathryn?" There was no response. "Please tell me you want this child." Still no response. She couldn't even look at him. "Are you telling me you don't want this. If that was the case, why bother telling me at all?"  
  
She knew he would be angry, but it still stunned her a bit. "I'm not sure what I'm going to do. This is a complicated situation. Maybe if we weren't on Voyager, stranded in the Delta Quadrant and I wasn't captain, things would be different. I can't be a captain and a mother."  
  
At this point Chakotay was getting very angry, "and why not? Where in the world does it say that you can't do both? How can you make a decision about this pregnancy without me? I helped create this life just as much as you...don't I have a say?"  
  
"Yes, but..."  
  
"No buts Kathryn! I'm the father of this baby and I have rights too!" Chakotay turned around and walked out, slamming the door. He noticed the storm had passed and a cool breeze hit him once he was outside. Kathryn knew everything he said was right and felt terrible for having kept this from him. She walked slowly over to the door and opened it. She could see his dark figure standing on the porch and moved to be by his side, placing her hand on top of his on the rail. "Chakotay, I'm sorry. I should have told you sooner about this, but I'm scared. I know I've really hurt you with all this, but I...I do love you." She waited for some sort of response from Chakotay, but when she didn't receive one her heart sank even more. Removing her hand from Chakotay's she walked back inside the cabin and sat down on the couch. Chakotay could hear here sobbing and walked back inside as well. Kneeling in front of her, he took Kathryn's hands away from her face and into his.  
  
"Kathryn, I love you with all my heart. I hate to see you in this much pain so I'm going to ask you this just once and will respect your decision. Do you want to terminate this pregnancy?"  
  
Time seemed to stand still as he waited for her response and then he finally got it. "No." Before she could say anymore, Chakotay pulled Kathryn down to the floor and kissed her like she remembered on New Earth. After the kiss was broken Kathryn spoke again, "I'm really scared Chakotay. I know I can't do this alone. I don't think I ever wanted to terminate this pregnancy. I just kept hiding behind Starfleet and protocols." Placing a hand on Chakotay's face she continued, "I'm so sorry for everything I've put you through these last few weeks. I never meant to hurt you."  
  
Chakotay took her hand and lightly kissed it. "Your actions really did hurt me and I think it's going to take a while before we can get back on track, but never forget how much I truly love you. Now, it's pretty late and I think we should go back to bed before we have to be back on Voyager."  
  
Kathryn smiled as Chakotay helped her up. They walked towards the bedrooms and Chakotay headed into his first. "Chakotay, would you mind sleeping with me? I want you to hold me tonight." Chakotay knew that this was part of her way to try and begin to mend the rift between them. "You realize that this doesn't make everything right. We have a lot to work out between us." Kathryn nodded quietly and held out her hand. He took hold of her hand as she led them into the bedroom. Climbing into bed, Kathryn laid her head on Chakotay's chest, listening to his heartbeat. It seemed to calm her somehow and with the events of the past day, she quickly fell asleep, as did Chakotay. 


	9. Chapter 9

_Thank you to all those who have been reviewing this story. Please continue to do so and I welcome new reviews. Let me know what you think and if you think I should keep going. Sorry for the lateness in getting this chapter up, although it is a bit short. Thanks again to everyone!_

It was mid-morning before both Chakotay and Kathryn awoke. Chakotay was the first to wake and stared down at Kathryn. She looks so beautiful..so at peace. Kathryn began to stir and looked up at Chakotay, giving him a smile. "Good Morning!"  
  
"Good Morning to you too! Sleep well?"  
  
"Yes...I think it was the best night's sleep I've had in awhile. Thank you for being here Chakotay." Kathryn moved up and gave Chakotay a kiss, which he happily returned. "I'm going to go freshen up a bit and then I guess we should get things packed up for our return to Voyager."  
  
While Kathryn was in the bathroom, Chakotay worked on getting the rest of her things packed. There was one thing that was in the back of his mind and he wasn't sure when it would be a good time to discuss it with Kathryn. A short time later she returned to the bedroom as Chakotay was gathering the last of her things.  
  
"Kathryn there is something I need to ask you?"  
  
"This sounds serious." She took a seat on the edge of the bed as Chakotay sat next to her.  
  
"I don't know if you would consider this serious, but it is something we are eventually going to have to face. When are we going to tell the crew?"  
  
Kathryn wasn't sure what to say. She hadn't even thought about telling the crew yet. "I don't know. I haven't even thought about that." She took Chakotay's hand into hers. "If it's okay with you, I would like to wait, at least for a little bit. I want to get to enjoy this before letting the crew know. I guess, what I mean is, I want the both of us to get to enjoy this."  
  
"Your not worried about what their reaction to this will be are you? From what I've heard in the rumor mill, the crew has been pulling for us to get together for quite some time." Kathryn looked at him in shock. "Surprised huh?" This caused her to let out a small laugh.  
  
"You need to start doing that more often." And with that he leaned in and gave her a kiss.  
  
"So, you don't mind that we put off telling the crew for a little while at least." Chakotay kissed her again. "I'll take that as no then." Kathryn then wrapped her arms around Chakotay and pulled him closer.  
  
An hour later, both were ready to beam back on Voyager. Once on board, Kathryn contacted the Prime Minister and thanked him for his hospitality. He apologized for those crewmembers that became ill and hoped it wouldn't hinder anything in the future. Kathryn assured that it wouldn't and before closing communication, the Prime Minister pointed out that she looked different...happy. She smiled at the compliment. Now, her next stop was sickbay.  
  
All was quiet when she entered sickbay and found the EMH busily working in his office. "Hello Doctor."  
  
"Captain, it's so good to see you. Please, come in. To what do I owe this visit?"  
  
"I just stopped by to tell you that I have made a decision. I'm not going to terminate this pregnancy. And you know the more I think about it, I believe you had a hand in getting Chakotay down there on that planet. Someone from the ship could have just as easily contacted me to be sure that I was fine." The EMH attempted to show ignorance, but it didn't seem to work. "Don't worry, I'm not upset. In actuality, I think it was for the best. Chakotay knows that I am pregnant. We have a lot of things to work out, but I think we'll get through this. I just ask one thing of you. We both agreed not to tell the crew just yet. We want to get used to the idea for a little while before letting anyone know. Maybe in a few weeks we'll tell everyone, but for right now can you just keep this to yourself."

"Of course Captain. I'm just glad to hear that everything worked out in the end. I would like to schedule some time with you early next week to make sure that everything is progressing alright with the pregnancy." Kathryn nodded and left sickbay.


	10. Chapter 10

_Sorry for the long delay in getting the next chapter up. Been busy and haven't had the time to write more. Enjoy and keep the reviews coming. I'm glad those of you who are reading this are enjoying it._

Kathryn returned to duty the day after her return from shore leave with permission from the Doctor. Chakotay was already on the bridge when he arrived and she greeted him with a smile. The crew noticed a difference between the command team immediately, although not sure as to why, they were just happy that their differences appeared to be put aside for now. After about an hour on the bridge, Kathryn decided to catch up on some reports in her ready room, "You have the bridge Commander."  
  
"Yes Captain." Chakotay watched as Kathryn disappeared into her ready room.  
  
As the morning wore on, Kathryn never reappeared from her ready room and Chakotay wondered if she would remember to eat something for lunch. Deciding to check on her, he handed the bridge over to Tuvok.  
  
Fully engrossed in an engineering report, Kathryn didn't hear the chime until the second ring. "Come!" Chakotay entered and waited for her to acknowledge her. When she didn't look up, he moved forward and pulled the padd from her hand.  
  
"Commander! Just what do you think your doing?"  
  
"Kathryn, do you realize that it's lunch time. Have you eaten anything yet? Did you bother to eat anything for breakfast either?" When he received no response, he moved around her desk and held out his hand. Kathryn gave him a skeptical look, but then put her hand into his. Chakotay pulled her from her chair and had her take a seat on the couch. Walking over to the replicator, he asked for two sandwiches, a salad, and two glasses of water. He brought everything over to the table and took a seat in front of Kathryn. Taking one of the sandwiches and a glass of water, he left the rest of the food for Kathryn.  
  
"You can't expect me to eat all of the that?"  
  
"Of course I do, your eating for two, or have you forgotten already?" Chakotay knew that when it came to taking care of herself, Kathryn never did a very good job at it. She worried more about everyone else's needs and wants before her own. She had to learn that this time, her needs came first if she was to have a successful pregnancy.  
  
"Chakotay, I appreciate your concern, but..."  
  
Before she could even finish her sentence, Chakotay stopped her, "no buts Kathryn. You are going to eat as much of this food as you can. You need to keep up your strength."  
  
She looked at him with a bit of anger, but her face softened when he flashed her that dimpled smile. She knew he was only looking out for her best interests and had to admit to herself he that he was right...given her problems with lack of eating and insomnia. Kathryn grabbed the sandwich and slowly began to eat. Chakotay smiled again and also started eating. Both sat in silence while they ate. Kathryn managed to eat most of her sandwich, but Chakotay watched as she just picked at her salad.  
  
"Kathryn, is something wrong with the salad? She didn't say anything so he lightly touched her arm. "Kathryn?" She looked at him, slightly startled, "I'm sorry Chakotay. Did you say something?"  
  
"Nothing important, just wondered if something is wrong with the salad. You've barely ate any of it."  
  
"No, it's just fine. I'm just not hungry anymore." Chakotay noticed a sadness in her eyes that wasn't there earlier. He grabbed the bowl from her hands and placed it on the table. "Kathryn, why don't you tell me what's really bothering you."  
  
"There's nothing wrong Chakotay...really!" She tried to sound convincing. "I'm just a little tired and not hungry anymore. I really think I should get back to my reports. I have a lot to catch up on." She gathered up the plates and headed over to the recycler. Chakotay followed with the rest.

"Alright Kathryn. I probably should be getting back to the bridge. You never know, Paris may have decided to take command of the ship." Kathryn let out a laugh and Chakotay smiled. He moved in closer, gave her a kiss on the forehead, and then left her ready room. She let out a deep sigh and returned to her desk, her mind although was somewhere else.


	11. Chapter 11

Over the next few days Chakotay noticed that Kathryn spoke very little to him, although she put up a good front on the bridge. She chatted and joked with him then, but when they were alone in her ready room, she seemed to be a bit nervous and was brief with him. On the fourth day, Chakotay saw how tired she was and became concerned. He didn't want anything to happen to her, and especially to the baby. At the end of the shift, Kathryn as of yet hadn't emerged from her ready room. Chakotay walked over to the ready room doors and waited for her allow him in.  
  
"Come!" Kathryn looked up as Chakotay entered. "Commander, is there something I can do for you?"  
  
"Well, as a matter a fact there is. Have dinner with me tonight? You've been in here all day."  
  
"I can't Chakotay. I have so much stuff to do...so much to catch up on. I..." Chakotay cut in before she could continue. "These reports will still be here tomorrow. You look like you could use a relaxing evening. Don't make me beg Kathryn. A grown man begging is not a pretty sight." He gave her a pouty expression and then his dimpled smile.  
  
At the thought of her First Officer begging, Kathryn couldn't help but laugh. "Alright...you win! 18:00 hours, your quarters?" At that moment, Chakotay decided to be a bit bold. He walked around to where Kathryn was sitting, pulled her up from her chair, placed his hand under her chin, and kissed her lips softly. He then pulled back, "I'll see you then." Chakotay smiled as he left her ready room. Kathryn brought her hand up to her lips, touching where Chakotay had kissed her.  
  
Promptly at 18:00 hours Chakotay's door chimed. He set the plates on the table and went to greet Kathryn at the door. When the door opened, they stared at each other for a few seconds. "You look beautiful Kathryn." The comment made Kathryn blush. Chakotay moved aside to let her come in. Kathryn found the lights low, a candlelit table, and soft music playing. "Oh Chakotay! Everything looks lovely!"  
  
"Here, have a seat. Dinner is almost ready." Chakotay pulled the chair out for Kathryn as she sat down. Disappearing into the other room, he emerged a few minutes later with two salads. Returning to the room again, he brought out a vegetarian lasagna. "Mmmmmm...that smells wonderful Chakotay."  
  
Over the next hour, they chatted, laughed, and flirted. To Chakotay it appeared that things were like they should be, but in the back of his mind, he felt that Kathryn was still hiding behind something. At the end of the dinner, they moved to the couch and quietness settled in.  
  
Chakotay finally spoke, "Kathryn, is there something bothering you? The last few days you have been so distant. I thought we were getting back on track after you told me about the pregnancy. Now it seems like we are going backwards again. If I have done something wrong, I wish you would tell me. I love you and I'm worried."  
  
Kathryn sat in silence before she finally spoke. "You've done nothing wrong. It's mostly my fault." Chakotay looked at her confused. "I'm still very scared about this whole thing. I'm scared for the safety of this baby...and...well for you too." She felt the tears threatening to come, but she had to continue. "There's something that nobody knows, only my family does. You know I was engaged to Justin Tighe?" Chakotay nodded. "Well, two days before he and my father were killed, I found out I was pregnant. We were together only one time, but even though I should have been scared about the whole thing, deep down I was very much happy. I never got a chance to tell Justin because the day I planned to was the day of the accident. I managed to survive, but the father of my baby didn't and I carried around tremendous guilt. I went into a deep depression. I wouldn't eat and slept constantly. Unfortunately the baby paid the price and I suffered a miscarriage a few weeks later." The tears that had threatened to spill over finally did. All Chakotay could do was move closer and pull her into his arms as she sobbed heavily. _Now everything made sense._


	12. Chapter 12

_This chapter is a bit short...I just haven't had the time to work on the story with work and summer class. I've enjoyed working on this story and hope to add more chapters soon. Thanks to all the reviewers...you're great!!_

Chakotay held Kathryn as her body was racked with sobs. His heart broke as he listened to her cry. He now understood what had been plaguing her the last few days. She's afraid something will happen to me...just like Justin. Chakotay moved his hand up and down her back to some how try and soothe her. He wasn't sure if it seemed to be helping because Kathryn's sobs began to subside.  
  
Leaning back, Kathryn looked at Chakotay with a tear stained face. "Oh Chakotay...I'm so sorry."  
  
"What do you have to be sorry for Kathryn?" He brought his hand up to her face to wipe away the tears. "I'm sorry for getting so emotional, for letting my fears take over." She brought her hand up to cover his. Chakotay moved off the couch and knelt down in front of Kathryn, bringing her hands to his chest. "Kathryn, I love you with all my heart. We are soulmates in this life and although I can't guarantee something won't happen to me tomorrow, or next week, at this very moment I'm not going anywhere."  
  
"But what if I send you on a mission...." she tried to hold back the tears again, "...one where you never come back. I can't go through that loss again or the added burden of my decision." She took her hands away from Chakotay and wiped away the tears that came.  
  
"There are no guarantees in life, but I intend on remaining with you until my dying day. Whether that is a month or fifty years from now. I'm going to be here for the birth of our baby. I'm going to be here to watch him/her grow up. And..." Chakotay paused as he looked into Kathryn's eyes, "I hope to be here for the rest of our children...that is, if you want more?"  
  
Kathryn wasn't sure what to say. All she knew was that this man truly did love her. She slid off the couch into Chakotay's lap and let him hold her. "I love you Chakotay." They sat like that for several minutes before Chakotay started to shift his weight. "Kathryn, I think we need to get up. My legs are beginning to fall asleep." She let out a small laugh and helped him back up to the couch. She leaned against his body and let him wrap his arms around her. "Chakotay, how did I ever get so lucky to find someone like you?"  
  
"Well, you came looking for me, I guess that's a start." He let out a laugh and that made her smile. "You know, its getting pretty late and you need to get your rest." Kathryn sat up and looked at him. "Chakotay, do you mind if I sleep here tonight?"  
  
"Of course, I'll take the couch and you can have the bed." Kathryn looked at him, knowing he didn't understand what she was asking. "I...um...well..." _God, I sound like a love struck teenager._ "I was actually wondering if I could sleep in bed with you. I need you to hold me tonight. I've failed to mention, but I've been having nightmares too."  
  
Chakotay placed his hand on hers and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "Come on. Let's find you something comfortable to wear." They went into Chakotay's bedroom and he looked through his closet until he found a shirt for her to wear. He knew that with her small frame, it would work perfectly for her. He gave the shirt to Kathryn and she went into the bathroom to change. While she did that, Chakotay changed as well, and then climbed into bed. A few minutes later Kathryn emerged. Chakotay couldn't take his eyes off of her, "you look beautiful Kathryn." Blushing, Kathryn climbed into bed, wrapping his arms around her and whispering into her ear, "Goodnight, sweet dreams." With that they both fell asleep.


	13. Chapter 13

_I finally was able to get a few more chapters done. Hope you enjoy...more to come!_

The weeks turned into months and before long Kathryn was almost four months along in her pregnancy. With some of the problems she experienced early on, the Doctor requested she make regular visits to sickbay to make sure everything was fine. The only problem she was having was keeping any food down. Some days she couldn't stomach eating anything and Chakotay had to practically force her to eat. Other days when it seemed like she could eat something, she proceeded to throw it back up not too long afterwards. Chakotay was concerned that she hadn't gained that much weight, but the Doctor assured them both that although her weight hadn't increased tremendously, everything was still progressing fine.  
  
For Kathryn, Chakotay was there every step of the way. Since that first night she stayed with him in his quarters, they were inseparable. Most evenings they had dinner together and would talk or relax in each other's company. On some occasions Kathryn's fears would begin to resurface and Chakotay would listen to her and try to offer as much support as he could. No matter whose quarters they were in, they both slept together...Chakotay with his arms protectively wrapped around her. She mentioned to him once that she felt like she was relying on him way too much, but he quickly shut her up with a passionate kiss that was happily returned. The crew noticed the change between the two and were happy. It seemed to boost the morale on the ship, even though they still didn't know as to the reason why.  
  
One evening as they were having dinner in Kathryn's quarters, Chakotay brought up telling the crew about her pregnancy. "You know, I think we should start telling the crew about your pregnancy before they begin to wonder why their Captain is getting fat." Kathryn looked at him with her death glare and proceeded to throw a roll, nailing him square in the chest. "Hey, I was only teasing!" He looked up, giving her that dimpled smile he knew she couldn't resist.  
  
"I was actually thinking of telling the senior staff during our meeting in the morning. They have a right to know before the rest of the crew. Besides, I'm sure that by the end of the meeting, Tom will have found some way of communicating it to everyone else." They both laughed at the thought.  
  
Once dinner was finished, Chakotay took the candles from the table and placed them sporadically in the main room of Kathryn's quarters. He then replicated several more and placed them in various spots. Kathryn eyed him suspiciously, "Chakotay, what are you doing?"  
  
"You'll see...just trust me." When he finished placing all the candles around, he walked over to her and held out his hand. She took it and he walked her over to the center of the room. "Computer, decrease lights to 10%." The lights dimmed, but candlelight now took over. The lights bounced off the ceiling and walls. "Chakotay this is beautiful, but what are you up to?"  
  
"Computer, play Chakotay number 0715." The familiar chirp of the computer was heard and then soft music began to play. "I love you Kathryn. You complete me like know one else I thought ever could. Dance with me?" All Kathryn could do was nod her head. Chakotay pulled her closer to him and they began to dance.  
  
_There you are in the early light of day  
There you are in the quiet words I pray  
I've been blessed by the simple happiness  
Of the perfect love we've made  
  
Chorus:  
  
Every time I turn around  
When I'm lost and when I'm found  
Like an angel standing guard  
There you are  
Every time I take a breath  
And when I forget to breathe  
You're watching over me  
There you are  
When I'm looking for the light  
In the middle of the night  
Searching for the brightest star  
There you are  
  
There you are standing in a crowded room  
There you are, the earth and I'm the moon  
My desire is to stand by the fire  
That burns inside of you.  
  
Repeat Chorus  
  
When I'm looking for the light in the middle of the night  
Searching for the brightest star  
There you are  
There you are  
There you are  
_  
When the music ended, Kathryn had her head against Chakotay's chest. He stepped back, putting his finger under her chin, and brought her face up to meet his. He could see the slight remnant of tears in the flickering candlelight. He moved his fingers up and began to wipe away the tears. "After Justin and Mark, I never thought I would find anyone or for that matter love anyone again. It's strange what life can throw at us sometimes." With that she took his hand and walked him into the bedroom. Once there she slowly began to undo her shirt and pull it off.  
  
"Kathryn, what are you doing?"  
  
"I want you to make love to me tonight. Just as we did on New Earth. Don't worry, I checked with the Doctor and he said everything would be perfectly fine." She moved forward and started to undo his shirt as well. She missed running her hands along his bare chest.  
  
"I don't want to hurt you..." Kathryn brought her fingers up to his lips to silence him. "Like I said, don't worry. The Doctor said everything would be just fine."  
  
Needing no more reassurance, Chakotay picked up Kathryn and laid her gently on the bed. They spent most of the night making love, finally falling asleep in the early hours of the morning.  
  
_The song is titled "There You Are" by Martina McBride. The song inspired me to title my story with the same name. I thought it was rather fitting. _


	14. Chapter 14

Kathryn slowly woke from her peaceful slumber. Although a bit tired, she felt very relaxed and at peace. Thoughts of last night came back to her and she smiled. She turned over to find that Chakotay wasn't in the bed.  
  
"Computer what is the time?"  
  
The computer's monotone voice chimed in, "The time is 0600."

Quickly getting out of bed, she grabbed her robe from the chair. Wondering why the computer didn't wake her at the usual time, she walked out into the main room where she found Chakotay preparing breakfast.  
  
"Good morning!" She walked up, wrapping her arms around him as he gave her a passionate kiss. "When I awoke and didn't find you in bed, I thought everything that happened last night was a dream."  
  
"Believe me, last night was no dream. I hope you don't mind, but I woke before the alarm was supposed to go off and decided to let you sleep a little bit longer. I have a few more things to finish up here so you can go get ready if you like."  
  
"I think I could get used to this all of this pampering." She turned around and gave him a smile as she disappeared into the bedroom. Twenty minutes later Kathryn returned, hair pulled up and in her uniform. As they sat down for breakfast Chakotay spoke, "Are you worried about telling the senior staff about your pregnancy?"  
  
"I think I would be lying if I said I wasn't. I'm not sure what they are going to think."  
  
"Kathryn," Chakotay reached over and took her hand giving it a firm squeeze, "they will be happy for you...for us. They want nothing more for their Captain to be happy."  
  
"I am happy, the happiest I have been in a long time." She gave him a smile back.  
  
"Well then, why don't we finish our breakfast and get to the bridge." Chakotay took her hand and gave it a light kiss.  
  
The staff meeting was pretty uneventful. Kathryn tried to focus on what everyone was saying, but at the same time she just wanted the meeting to come to an end so she could let everyone know the news. As the minutes slowly passed she kept getting more nervous and Chakotay could tell that by the way she fidgeted in her chair. At one point their eyes met and he tried to give her a reassuring smile. Kathryn hadn't realized Tuvok had concluded his report until he snapped her back to reality, "Captain."  
  
Startled, she looked up to see all eyes were on her. "Thank you for your report Tuvok. Is there anything else that needs to be brought up." No one said a word. Kathryn knew that it was time. She stood up, her gaze shifting to Chakotay for some reassurance. He smiled at her and she then turned back to look at everyone. "Before we adjourn this meeting there is something that I need to say." She paused. "I...well...that is the Commander and I...we are expecting a baby." Kathryn looked at all the faces looking back at her, trying to gauge their reaction. She began to panic when no one said a word. Tom finally broke the quietness, "And here we have had a betting pool going on to see how long it would take you two to get together!" Laughter broke out and this seemed to bring everyone out of their shock. One by one they offered their congratulations to the command team.  
  
When the room finally quieted down, Kathryn spoke, "Thank you all for your kind words. I honestly wasn't sure what you would think. Chakotay tried to reassure me that everything would be fine and I guess he was right." She looked in his direction and gave him a smile. "We still need to tell the rest of the crew, but we wanted all of you to be the first to know."  
  
Neelix interrupted, "Captain, may I offer a suggestion. Why don't we throw a party, a celebration of sorts? Then you can tell everyone at once."  
  
Kathryn thought for a moment and then smiled, "Why not. I think it's a great idea Neelix. Of course all of you will keep this to yourselves until the night of the party." Her gaze shifted towards Tom who just looked at her and smiled. "When do you expect to have everything ready Neelix?"  
  
"Well, how about we have it in a few days. I'll have enough time to prepare the food and set-up the holodeck."  
  
"Alright...you make all the necessary arrangements and inform the crew of the party. I think we can officially call this meeting to an end. And again, thank you all for your support. Everyone is dismissed."  
  
Everyone filed out of the room and Chakotay stayed behind. "Now that wasn't so bad was it?"  
  
"No...no it wasn't and of course you were right all along. The party will be a nice change of pace for the crew and definitely make it easier to tell all of them. Now why don't you come here and give your Captain a kiss before we report to the bridge."  
  
"Is that an order?"  
  
"You better believe it"  
  
"Well, in that case..." Chakotay pulled Kathryn close to him and gave her kiss that reminded her of last night. They finally pulled away obviously not wanting it to end, composed themselves, and made their way to the bridge.


	15. Chapter 15

The night of the party had finally arrived. The whole ship had been abuzz about what the occasion was. Those that knew of the Captain's pregnancy remained tight lipped and acted as curious as everyone else. All Neelix would tell them was that a party was being planned to give the crew a break from everything.  
  
Kathryn and Chakotay arrived together at the holodeck to find Neelix had completely outdone himself. They mingled with the crew before Neelix took the stage.  
  
"May I have your attention everyone. Quiet down please. The Captain has requested to say a few words before we get this party into full swing." Neelix stepped to the side as Kathryn moved in front of her crew.  
  
"I want to thank all of you for attending tonight. I know all of you are wondering as to why this party is being held. At Neelix's suggestion this was the best solution to let everyone in on the good news." Kathryn could hear whispering begin to start as she continued. "It is with great joy to announce that in roughly five months there will be a new member on board Voyager. The Commander and I are expecting a baby."  
  
As soon as she was done speaking, the room erupted into cheers and congratulations. Chakotay moved forward and took Kathryn's hand as everyone made there to offer their congratulations.  
  
By the end of the evening, having managed to talk to most of the crew, they finally found some time to themselves. "You look tired Kathryn."  
  
"I am. I think if no one minds, I would like to go back to my quarters and get some sleep."  
  
"I think everyone will understand. Want me to come with you?"  
  
Kathryn moved her hand up and placed it squarely on his chest. "That's not necessary. It's still pretty early and I would hate to pull you away from the party. Wake me when you get back to my quarters ok?  
  
"Sure." Chakotay leaned down and gave her a kiss and then watched as she left the Holodeck.  
  
B'Elanna walked up and interrupted his thoughts, "Hey, where is the Captain? I was hoping you two could join us at our table."  
  
"She was feeling a bit tired and decided to go back to her quarters and turn in early."  
  
"Well, if your not heading out early, why don't you come join us."  
  
"Alright...lead the way." Chakotay joined B'Elanna, Tom, and Harry as the party continued for another few hours before retiring to Kathryn's quarters for the night.  
  
Several more months passed since the night of the party when Kathryn announced to the crew that she was pregnant. They happily embraced the news of her impending motherhood and also quietly kept a protective eye on her. During this time Chakotay had moved some of his things into Kathryn's quarters and stayed there most nights. Now nearing seven months, she noticed the morning sickness had finally subsided and she was also beginning to gain some weight. One morning Chakotay happened to walk into Kathryn's bedroom as she was looking at herself in the mirror. Not having been noticeable before, Kathryn now needed to wear maternity uniforms. He stood and watched her quietly as she moved her hand over her growing abdomen. He was completely in awe of this woman and the joy she was bringing to his life. Realizing she was being watched, Kathryn pulled her shirt down and turned around, somewhat embarrassed.  
  
"How long have you been standing there?"  
  
"Long enough. Your beautiful you know."  
  
"I feel huge...that is not considered beautiful." Chakotay moved in closer. "You will always be beautiful to me." He leaned in and gave her a kiss on the forehead. "If you're ready, why don't we head to the bridge."  
  
The day proved to be rather boring and Kathryn spent most of the time in her ready room going through reports. Chakotay came by to have lunch with her and then returned to the bridge afterwards. About an hour later the ship was jolted and red alert was signaled.  
  
Kathryn made her way from the ready room, "Report!"  
  
"An unidentified alien vessel just came out of know where and fired on us," Chakotay responded. "They aren't responding to our hails either."  
  
"Let me try, open a hailing frequency. This is Captain Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager. Why have you fired on our ship?"  
  
Instead of responding the aliens fired another shot that shook the ship again. Kathryn stumbled and Chakotay was able to catch her before she fell.  
  
"Tuvok, fire phasers. Let's see if we can scare them off." Phasers were fired, but did not appear to deter the alien vessel.  
  
"It doesn't appear to have damaged them Captain. May I suggest..." Tuvok was cut short by another blast against the ship. Before they could recover, another round was fired at Voyager, followed by another. There was no time for crewmembers to gain their bearings as they were tossed around. Kathryn watched in horror as Chakotay slammed against a wall and slumped heavily onto the floor. "Chakotay!" She screamed his name several times as she tried to make her way to him. The ship rocked again and Kathryn lost her balance, hitting her head in the process...the whole world around her began to go black. 


	16. Chapter 16

_For some reason I can't get this thing to indent the paragraphs like it did before. Hopefully this won't bother anyone...I wanted to get this next chapter up for feedback!_

All was quiet in sickbay, but everything had been chaotic earlier. Crewmembers flooded sickbay, having been injured from the unexplained attack on Voyager. Tuvok had Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay beamed directly to sickbay almost immediately. Not much later the strange attacks ceased and the unidentified alien vessel departed...leaving Voyager a mess. Now with most of sickbay cleared out, those injured mainly had broken bones or cuts, Kes stared out from the Doctor's office and looked at the two figures lying on the biobeds. The Captain would recover, just a mild concussion, but the Commander was another matter. There had been swelling around his brain that the Doctor was able to reduce, but at the moment he was in a coma. "Do you think he will recover?" The Ocampan turned around to look at the Doctor.

"At the moment, I'm not sure. He's in a coma, which could be a good thing...give him time to heal, but the longer he is in this state, the less likely he will wake up."

Kes stood there and just stared at the Doctor, not sure what to say. Although he was just a hologram, she knew that he had begun to care for members of the crew. "I think I will go sit with the Captain until she wakes up." The Doctor nodded as Kes walked out of the office.

She walked up to the still form of the Captain. She was relieved when the Doctor had said that she and the baby would be just fine. Kes pulled up a chair and took the older woman's hand. She wanted to be here when the Captain woke up and started asking about Chakotay. Several hours later, Kes saw the Captain begin to stir and she called for the Doctor. Both stood to the right of her, blocking her view from seeing Chakotay until the Doctor had time to talk to her.

"Captain...Captain." Kathryn groaned as she tried to open her eyes. She could hear muffled voices, but wasn't sure where they were coming from. As she began to fully them, she tried to make out the blurry visions of the two figures standing next to her.

"Kes? Doctor?" What happened? Where am I?"

Kes took Kathryn's hand, "Your in sickbay, you were injured during the attack on Voyager. You and your baby will be just..."

The memories of what happened on the bridge returned to her full force and she sat up, putting her hand to her head when the pain hit, "Chakotay...I saw him hit the wall. Where is he?" When the Doctor or Kes didn't initially answer her she began to panic. "No...please tell me he's alright! He has to be alright!" The tears were beginning to form in her eyes.

The Doctor placed his arms on the Captains shoulders. "Captain, you must lie back down. You've had a mild concussion and need to rest."

As she began to lie back, Kathryn took hold of the Doctor's hand. "Please where is he, you have to tell me."

The Doctor paused, "the Commander as you know was also injured during the attack. His injuries were far more serious than yours. He had some swelling around the brain, which I was able to reduce, but he is in a coma." Kathryn let go of the doctor's hand and moved it to her mouth as a sob escaped. "At the moment he is resting comfortably and we are monitoring his vitals."

"There's more isn't there?"

He sighed heavily before continuing, "Captain, the Commander could wake up tomorrow, the next day, or next week, but the bottom line is the longer he is in this coma, it is less likely he will wake up or there could be serious brain damage. There will be no way of knowing until he comes out of it. Now, you need to get your rest."

"I need to see him Doctor, just for a few minutes."

The Doctor looked at Kes and then back to the Captain. Quietly nodding, both helped her off the biobed. As she looked up, she could see him and tears began to form in her eyes once more. On either side of the Captain, the Doctor and Kes walked her over to Chakotay's biobed. Once there, she took hold of his hand.

"He looks so peaceful." Tears started spilling over. "Oh Chakotay...I hope you can hear me. Please wake up soon. Don't leave me alone. I can't go through all of this again." She stood there silently for a few more minutes before nodding to the Doctor that she was ready to be taken back to her bed.

"Captain, I'm going to give you a hypo to help you sleep. You should only have to be here another day and then you can go back to your quarters."

All Kathryn could do was nod as she felt the familiar hiss of the hypo against her neck. Slowly her eyes began to get heavy and she moved her hand over her abdomen. She turned her head to the side and looked at Chakotay's still form as she drifted off to sleep.


	17. Chapter 17

_I seemed to struggle a little with this chapter. I know where I am wanting to go with it, maybe its just trying to get the realism of it right. Let me know what you think!_

The hypospray the Doctor had administered to Kathryn started to wear off in the early morning hours. As she slowly began to open her eyes, Kathryn had been dreaming of Chakotay, their child, and their life together. When her eyes opened to see the ceiling of sickbay, she knew she had only been dreaming. The lights were dimmed as she slowly sat up on the biobed and she saw no sign of the Doctor, assuming that he was offline. Her hand moved to her abdomen and quietly said a silent prayer that everything was ok. A smile crept to her face when she felt the familiar kick of the baby, almost as to give her some sort of reassurance. As quickly as the smile appeared, it faded and she looked in Chakotay's direction. Moving off the biobed, Kathryn slowly walked towards him. She grabbed a chair and sat down. Quietly watching the rise and fall of his chest, she took his hand and held it tightly. Then bringing it up to her lips, she kissed it and whispered, "I love you...please come back to me...to us."

Several hours later, when the Doctor's program was reactivated, he found the Captain sitting next to Chakotay's biobed with her head resting on his arm. Walking up to her, he placed his hand on her shoulder and gently shook her, "Captain...Captain!"

Kathryn quickly woke and her first instinct was to look at Chakotay. Her face fell when she realized there was no change. As Kathryn was about to speak, the Doctor stepped in, "there is no need for any explanation Captain. I would however like to run some scans on you so why don't we move over to the other biobed."

Kathryn only nodded as she got up from the chair and walked to the biobed. When the Doctor completed all of his scans he told her she could return to her quarters, but may not return to work for the time being. "Captain, I suggest you go back to your quarters and get some more sleep. If anything changes, I will contact you immediately."

She walked over to Chakotay and kissed him lightly on the lips. "I'll be back soon." Tears began to slide down her face. "Captain, I will have the transporter room beam you back to your quarters when you're ready."

"I'm ready now Doctor." As Kathryn looked at Chakotay, she barely heard the Doctor's request for the transport. She felt the familiar tingle of the transporter and then found herself back in her quarters. Everything was so quiet. She found her things strewn across the floor from the recent attack on Voyager. The memories flooded her mind as she closed her eyes tightly. She didn't want to remember them, but at the same time she couldn't forget. Screaming, she grabbed the first thing that she could find and threw it against the wall. Hearing glass shatter, she walked over to the object. Lying on the ground was a picture of her and Chakotay taken the night they informed the crew of her pregnancy. Running her fingers over the shattered picture she pulled it to her chest and began to cry. Kathryn managed to make her way over to the couch and still clutching the picture to her chest, lies down, hoping that sleep will come to her easy.

Kathryn wakes several hours later, still holding the picture of her and Chakotay. Setting it on a nearby table, she decides to take a sonic shower. When finished, she puts on some comfortable clothes, and then contacts Tuvok, informing him that he will be in command of Voyager until further notice. Kathryn then makes her way back to sickbay.

Kathryn tries to put on a brave face as she passes crewmembers in the halls. Nobody stops to speak to her, she is thankful of that, but their sad looks say volumes. Now standing in front of the doors to sickbay, she pauses before entering. Taking a deep breath, she walks in and slowly to the back of the room. The Doctor and Kes both hear the doors open and look up to see the Captain has returned. The Doctor walks out of his office, "Captain?"

Without even looking at him, she continues to walk towards Chakotay, "I slept for a few hours, but I need to be here with him. I can't leave him alone right now."

The Doctor sighed, not wanting to argue with her, "I'll allow you to stay here with him as long as you eat and sleep when you are supposed to. At night we can set up another biobed and privacy screen so that you can stay here."

"Thank you Doctor." And with that Kathryn took a seat next to Chakotay.

The days turned into weeks and there was still no change in Chakotay's condition. The Doctor could tell this was finally taking its toll on the Captain. She wasn't as positive as she was early on and it appeared a depression was setting in. The Doctor was beginning to become concerned for her. Neelix brought food to her and she ate as the Doctor requested, but only small amounts. The Doctor also noticed the dark circles under her eyes and surmised that she wasn't sleeping as well either. "Captain, I think it is time you consider leaving sickbay for awhile. Maybe take some time in the holodeck, maybe..."

"Maybe what Doctor?" The anger in her voice was evident.

"I'm only suggesting some time away from sickbay. You have been here for almost three weeks now and each day that passes takes a toll on you. You barely eat and I'm guessing not sleeping well either. I want you to spend the next few days away from sickbay and try to relax. I can keep you informed of Chakotay's condition and if anything changes you will be the first to know."

Several moments passed before Kathryn answered him. "I guess you're right. I actually have some things to think about." The Doctor gave the Captain a puzzled look at her statement, but she said nothing more. Looking at Chakotay, she placed her hand on his, and then left sickbay.


	18. Chapter 18

_Please read and review and let me know what you think._

Following the Doctor's orders, Kathryn did not return to sickbay. As a matter of fact, she stayed away completely. The Doctor had Kes visit her every couple of days to see how she was now that she is beginning her eighth month of pregnancy. She never asked about Chakotay, which troubled both Kes and the Doctor. He thought back to a week ago when he insisted that she leave sickbay for awhile and her only comment was that she needed to think about things. Later that day, B'Elanna stopped by sickbay to see how Chakotay was.

"Lieutenant, do you have a moment? I would like to speak to you about something."

"Is it Chakotay? Is there something wrong?" B'Elanna was concerned. She had hoped her friend would have come out of the coma by now.

"I didn't mean to alarm you. There has been no change in Commander Chakotay's condition. My concern is for the Captain."

"The Captain?"

"A week ago I suggested to her that she leave sickbay for awhile. She had hardly left in the three weeks she was here. The whole situation was finally taking a toll on her physically and mentally. My concern was for her and the baby. She left with little hesitation, but before she did she said the oddest thing."

"And what was that Doctor?"

"All she said was that she had some things to think about. I know that may not sound odd to you, but you haven't seen her the last few weeks have you?" B'Elanna only nodded no.

"I have had Kes stop by her quarters every couple of days to give her a check-up and she doesn't ask about the Commander. Physically she seems to be doing better, but her mental state is what worries me. She has isolated herself and from checking the logs, she hasn't even been to the holodeck like I suggested. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind speaking to her, since you and the Commander are friends?"

B'Elanna hesitated before speaking, "I guess it couldn't hurt. I'm not sure how much help I will be though. I'm going to spend a few minutes with Chakotay and then speak to the Captain." The Doctor nodded and proceeded to work on something at his desk.

B'Elanna walked over to Chakotay's bedside. "Hello old friend." She placed her hand on his shoulder. "I'm not sure if you can hear me, but if you can, you need to wake up soon. The Doctor says the Captain is not doing so well herself. I'm off to talk to her now, to see if I can offer some sort of support I guess. I miss you...we all do." She stood there quietly for a moment and then left.

She rang the chime several times before Kathryn finally acknowledged and let her enter. B'Elanna walked into the Captain's quarters and found it to be totally dark. "Captain?"

"What can I do for you Lieutenant?"

B'Elanna squinted, trying to adjust her eyes to the darkness. "I just got off duty and thought I would stop by to see how you were doing." Kathryn didn't speak.

"Captain?"

"Computer, increase lighting to 15%." B'Elanna found the Captain standing in the corner near the viewport, staring at the stars as they went by.

"Was it your idea to come by to see me or the Doctor's?"

"Honestly Captain, it was his. He was concerned about you. He thought maybe you wouldn't mind talking to someone."

"As much as I appreciate the Doctor's concern, there is nothing that needs to be discussed."

"I beg to differ Captain." B'Elanna moved forward and stood closer to her. "The Doctor told me that what has happened to Chakotay is starting to take its toll on you. He suggestion to leave sickbay has now been met with no acknowledgement of Chakotay or his situation. I would think there would be more of a reaction from you considering you are having his baby and love him."

"Lieutenant, I strongly suggest that you not tell me how I should feel."

"I apologize Captain, but I'm only here to offer support." She moved closer and could barely see the traces of tears sliding down Kathryn's face. "Captain," B'Elanna wasn't sure what to say or do next. She reached her hand out and gently touched Kathryn's arm, "why don't you tell me what's wrong."

"My greatest fear has come true. I don't know if things can continue the way they were after this." For the first time Kathryn looked at the face of the young Lieutenant, which showed great confusion. "I appreciate your concern, but I'm really tired."

B'Elanna wasn't sure whether to pry further, but instead decided to leave things as they were. She was however confused at what the Captain said. "Of course...if you do need to talk Captain, my door is open and if not me, then I hope you can find someone to talk to. Chakotay is my friend and well, that makes you my friend too. He has never experienced as much happiness with someone as he has with you. Goodnight Captain."

Kathryn tried to hold back the tears, "goodnight Lieutenant." As B'Elanna left, Kathryn turned back around to look out the viewport and a tear slid slowly down her cheek.

Several days later, as if to answer everyone's silent prayers, Chakotay began to finally come out his coma. Kes was running a scan when she noticed his eyes began to flicker. She immediately called for the Doctor. "Should we notify the Captain?" The Doctor looked at her, unsure what to say. "I think we will wait to see what happens first." The Doctor and Kes began to run several scans. A hypospray was administered and a few minutes later Chakotay fully opened his eyes.

"Doctor?"

"Commander, it's good to finally see you awake. How are you feeling?"

"Other than a small headache, I feel fine. Why am I here?"

"Do you remember the attack on Voyager?" Chakotay gave him a puzzled look. "Attack?"

"We were attacked by an unidentified alien vessel. You and the Captain were injured and brought here..."

Chakotay stopped him immediately seeming to remember the incident very clearly now, "Kathryn, where is she?"

"Calm down Commander. The Captain suffered only a minor concussion. You on the other hand had some swelling around the brain, which I was able to alleviate, but you have been in a coma ever since. All scans that have been done so far show no residual effects, which is a very good sign. Commander, you have been a coma for a month now."

Chakotay was stunned, "A month?" The Doctor shook his head. "Doctor, you told me Kathryn was fine, but you didn't tell me if the baby was ok."

"Everything is fine with the baby. I have been giving the Captain regular check-ups and things are going well." The Doctor moved his gaze from Chakotay and over to Kes.

"Doctor, there is more isn't there. Why isn't Kathryn here?"

"Commander you need to rest. We can discuss things later..."

"No Doctor!" Chakotay was beginning to get frustrated. "I want to know why Kathryn isn't here!"


	19. Chapter 19

_I apologize for being so late in getting this new chapter up. I have been extremely busy and have not been home as much as I would like. Please keep the reviews coming so I know whether to continue. Thanks to those faithful readers and enjoy!!_

"Commander, try and calm yourself. I assure you the Captain is doing as well as can be expected. She is just having a difficult time dealing with the situation." The Doctor paused before continuing. "The Captain spent three weeks here, never leaving your side unless she went to her quarters to gather a change of clothing. I finally saw how everything was affecting her and suggested she spend some time away from sickbay. She hasn't been back since."

"Where has she been this whole time?" Chakotay was growing even more concerned.

"According to the computer, she has been in her quarters. She has isolated herself from the crew. Kes has been checking on her and I had Lieutenant Torres speak to her the other day. From what I have gathered from the Lieutenant's conversation, she has let fear take over, as to what fear I don't know."

"I think I do Doctor." Chakotay tried to sit up, but dizziness forced him to lie back down.

"I'm afraid that it will be a few days before you are able to leave sickbay Commander. I would like to run some more scans just to be sure there isn't any permanent damage."

"Will you be contacting Kathryn to let her know that I'm awake?"

"I told her I would do so once there was any change, but given her current state..." Chakotay looked at the Doctor and knew exactly what he was getting at.

"I suggest you rest. I promise to contact the Captain shortly."

"Thanks Doc." The Doctor nodded with acknowledgement and returned to his office. Chakotay laid there, his thoughts clearly on Kathryn. _Please don't let this destroy what we have._

In his office, the Doctor contacted the Captain to let her know that Chakotay had come out of his coma. The Captain thanked him for letting her know and then closed the link. She never answered him when he asked if she would be coming by to see the Commander.

The next day came and went with no sign of Kathryn. All Chakotay could do was lie on the biobed and worry. The Doctor would not be releasing him until the next day. All scans showed everything to be fine, but the Doctor wanted to observe him for another day just to be sure.

On the following day, the Doctor released Chakotay with strict orders that he would not be returning to duty for at least a week. Once he left sickbay, he returned to his quarters. He wasn't sure if he should visit Kathryn. Requesting her location from the computer, Chakotay found her to be in her quarters. He decided to take a sonic shower and once finished, he requested her location again...still in her quarters. Chakotay put on some comfortable clothing and headed next door, unsure of what he would find.

Kathryn sat quietly in her dimly lit quarters. Since having been sent there by the Doctor, she had never left. She was afraid to visit Chakotay after the Doctor informed her he was awake. She was startled from her thoughts when she heard the chime. Knowing the Doctor would be releasing him today, she had know doubt who would be on the other side of her door.

She closed her eyes, "Come."

The light from the hall broke through the darkness of her quarters and she could make out his figure as it stood in the doorway. He remained rooted in his spot, not sure whether to enter. Her voice broke the silence, "Well, are you going to just stand there?"

Chakotay quietly walked in and as the door closed behind him, the room went dark again. He could barely see her sitting on the couch. "How are you feeling Commander?"

Chakotay couldn't help but notice her use of his rank. _Could things have changed that much between them since the accident?_ "Aside from a mild headache I'm doing fine. The Doctor said that should go away in a few days, but I'm to remain off duty for at least a week." Kathryn didn't say anything and the awkwardness continued between them. "Kathryn, do you mind if I increase the lighting? It would be easier to see you better."

Kathryn sighed deeply, "Computer, increase lighting by 20."

For the first time, Chakotay was able to get a really good look at her. She looked as though she had obviously lost some weight and hadn't been sleeping much either. He moved to sit down beside her on the couch, wanting to hold her so badly. He placed his hand on hers, which was resting on her swelled abdomen. _His touch, how she missed his touch. She wanted him to hold her, but she knew she couldn't._ She quickly moved her hand away from his and got up from the couch, walking over to the viewport. Kathryn knew when he was behind her and then felt him run his hands up and down her arms, like so many times before.

"Talk to me Kathryn." He was worried about her...worried how the accident had affected her.

She was afraid to speak. Afraid she wouldn't be able to keep her emotions intact. The tears were already starting to form. Keeping her eyes glued to the stars as they passed by, Kathryn quietly began to speak. "When I woke up in sickbay after the accident, I wasn't sure what had happened at first. Everything began to come back to me as the Doctor was explaining your condition. I sat by your side for weeks...talking to you, but..." she was cut short as a sob escaped. Kathryn brought her hands up to her face and tried to calm herself as tears began to fall. Chakotay stepped in closer and tried to comfort her, but she only shrugged him off. "You remained in a coma for weeks. The Doctor could see it was taking its toll on me and he finally ordered me out of sickbay." She stopped and turned around to face him. She could see the worry on his face, but it didn't matter. She had made up her mind. Quietly she spoke again, "we can't do this anymore Chakotay...this just won't work." Kathryn began to move away from him, but was stopped when she felt him grab her arm.

"What do you mean this is over Kathryn? You can't shut me out of your life. You're carrying my child if you haven't forgotten."

The last comment seemed to anger Kathryn and she quickly turned around to look at Chakotay, her eyes filled with rage. "I'm very much aware that I am carrying your child! You will be able to see your child whenever you wish." She paused before continuing and Chakotay let go of her arm. "There can't be an 'us' anymore." She turned her eyes away from his, not wanting to see his reaction.

"Kathryn, you can't mean that..."

"I do!" Her fists clenched as she tried to control her emotions. "After all these years I finally let someone back into my life. The fears of the past slowly started to go away. Then...then the attack on Voyager and everything changed."

Chakotay tried to take hold of her hand, but she wouldn't let him. "I'm fine now Kathryn. I'm still here."

"What about later? What if you aren't so lucky next time? I let my heart feel love again and almost lost it in the process. I can't do this anymore...ever. Now, please, leave me alone...just leave me alone!"

Chakotay backed off with great reluctance. "Alright, I won't press the subject any further. I'll leave." As he reached the door, he stopped, but didn't look at her. "I want us to talk again. Don't shut me out." And with that Chakotay left her quarters.


	20. Chapter 20

_Sorry for the delay on getting this chapter out. Life has thrown me some curve balls lately and I haven't had much time. I finally got this chapter done and am working on another. As always, feedback is welcome...would like to hear your input. Thanks!_

The week went by with no contact between Chakotay and Kathryn. Per the Doctor's orders, Chakotay used the time to rest and spent almost every evening on the Holodeck. He tried to sort through the events that had transpired since coming out of the coma. Kathryn had pushed him away and a part him seemed to understand that. One evening, Chakotay was heading back from Sickbay, having been cleared by the Doctor to return duty. He paused in front of Kathryn's quarters..._in a few weeks she would be giving birth to the baby, 'their' baby_. He sighed and felt the sadness weighing on his heart. Chakotay stood in the hallway for a few more minutes before heading to his quarters.

Another week went by. Chakotay wanted to speak with Kathryn, but wasn't quite sure yet how to approach her. He never considered her to be a fragile person, but right now it appeared that she was. The crew was unaware of the fallout between the command team; just attributing the Commander's uneasiness to the approaching birth of the baby. The Doctor kept Chakotay informed on how Kathryn was doing and explained to him that the baby could come at any time. Chakotay wasn't sure if he should be happy or sad about it. By the end of the week, he decided to stop by and see her, whether she liked it or not. Standing outside Kathryn's quarters, he buzzed for entry several times, but received no response. He punched in the override code and entered her quarters. Everything was dark and it took him several minutes to adjust his eyes. He couldn't find Kathryn in the main room so he walked quietly into her bedroom. There he found her sound asleep. He studied her for a moment..._she looks so peaceful_. Not wanting to disturb her, but not wanting to leave, he walked out into the main room, grabbed a blanket and stretched out on her couch.

Kathryn woke several hours later. Climbing out of bed, she grabbed her robe on the nearby chair and walked into the main room. She stopped when she noticed something lying on the couch. Walking up to the still form, she finally realized it was Chakotay.

She placed her hand on his shoulder and shook him slightly, "Chakotay." He didn't move so she shook him a little harder and spoke louder, "Chakotay, wake up!"

Slowly he opened his eyes, a bit annoyed that his sleep was disturbed. He looked at her, a bit disoriented as to where he was, "Kathryn, why are you..." He slowly sat up and remembered he was in Kathryn's quarters.

"Chakotay, why are you in my quarters?" He could here the evident displeasure in her voice. "I came by to talk to you and when you didn't answer your door, I decided to check to make sure you were alright. I found you asleep and well...I guess you could say I took it upon myself and stayed. I'm sorry if I've upset you, but I've missed you Kathryn."

Kathryn placed her hands on the back of the couch and slowly started to sit down. Out of instinct, Chakotay put his hands on her back and helped her. She instantly tensed at his touch, but then relaxed. She looked at his face...the face of the man she loved...the face of the man that was the father of her child...and she let a small smile appear on her face.

She quickly took her eyes away from his and quietly spoke, "I've missed you too."

Chakotay took her hand into his, "how have you been?"

Placing her free hand on her abdomen, she rubbed it in a circular motion. "Aside from being very uncomfortable the last few weeks, I'm okay I guess. The Doctor makes sure I eat when I'm supposed to and has Kes stop by every couple of days to give me my check-ups."

Both sat in silence for several minutes. Kathryn looked over at Chakotay, "why did you come here tonight Chakotay?"

"I just wanted to make sure you were alright...that's all." Kathryn wasn't convinced. "I know you Chakotay, you wouldn't have stayed here in my quarters if there wasn't something more. So spill."

His earlier idea of talking to her didn't seem to sit well with him now, but he knew Kathryn wouldn't let it go. He ran his hand through his hair and then looked directly at Kathryn. He still was holding on to her hand and squeezed it a bit tighter now. "I wanted to discuss 'us'..." Kathryn quickly pried her hand from Chakotay's.

"I think we have been through this before. I told you I can't do this again."

"Kathryn," he tried to take her hand into his again. "I remember all to well what you said, but I love you and you love me...we can make this work."

She felt the tears begin to cloud her vision as she moved her hands up to wipe them away furiously. "No! Please don't continue to ask me this...please!"

Chakotay looked at her and wasn't sure what to say. He hated seeing her like this. He got up from the couch and began to head for the door. "I'm sorry for disturbing you. I guess this was a bad idea after all."

"Chakotay...wait!" He stopped, but didn't turn around. She hesitated before speaking, "you will be there won't you? For the birth?"

Anger grew in Chakotay, but he calmly answered her, "of course I will Kathryn." With that, he walked out of her quarters. Kathryn leaned back against the couch and wiped the tears away. She looked down at the blanket and wrapped it around her. It made her feel as if Chakotay was still with her.

Two days later, the moment the crew of Voyager had been waiting for had finally arrived. Kathryn was in Sickbay, her water having broke several hours before, and now starting to have mild contractions. She had requested that Chakotay be contacted only when it looked like it was closer to the baby being born. Hours went by before it finally looked as though it was time. The contractions were becoming increasingly stronger. The Doctor contacted Chakotay and requested his presence in Sickbay. When he arrived, Chakotay found the Doctor getting things ready for the delivery. A part of him was disappointed that he wasn't there for Kathryn earlier, but he pushed it aside, thankful to be here now.

Chakotay walked up to Kathryn and noticed how tired she was. "Hi! How are you holding up?"

Before she could respond another contraction hit and she instinctively grabbed Chakotay's hand. When it passed, she leaned her head back and closed her eyes. "I'm so tired Chakotay. I don't think I can do this."

He brought his hand up and brushed a strand of hair away from her eyes. "You can do this. I know you can. It will be over soon." Another contraction came, stronger than the first. She tightened her grip on Chakotay's hand.

"Alright Captain, you're fully dilated. When the next contraction comes, I need you to push."

Before Kathryn could catch her breath, another contraction hit. She began to push as the Doctor instructed. As it subsided, she leaned back, barely hearing the Doctor, "that's good Captain." She was hit with several more contractions and then she heard the Doctor tell her the head was out. She looked at Chakotay who leaned down to kiss her on the forehead, "your almost there."

"Captain, I'm going to need another big push from you, alright?" Kathryn nodded as Chakotay helped her sit up. She took a deep breath and started pushing hard. "Your almost there, one more push." She gave another push and felt the baby leave her body. Exhausted she slumped into Chakotay's arms and he slowly eased her back onto the bed.

"Congratulations Captain and Commander! You have a healthy baby girl!"


	21. Chapter 21

_Finally got another chapter done and hope to have another one by the end of the week. Just depends on if I can grab any free time. Keep the reviews coming...I want to hear what you have to say._

The Doctor handed the baby girl over to Kes, who took her to the nearby crib. Kathryn was exhausted and didn't notice that Chakotay had left her side to look at the baby. All she wanted to do was sleep. After several minutes the Doctor had finished and Kathryn was able to relax. He walked over to Kes and Chakotay, "how's our new arrival doing?"

"She's just perfect Doctor, everything about her is...she's beautiful." Kes couldn't take her eyes off of her as she wrapped her in a blanket. "Commander, I think its time for you to get acquainted with your daughter." Kes picked her up from the crib and carefully handed her over to Chakotay. Chakotay couldn't get over how beautiful she was...with a small amount of black hair, dark skin, and from what he was briefly able to see, deep blue eyes. He turned around and walked over to Kathryn. "She's so beautiful Kathryn." He began to hand the baby over to Kathryn, who at first was reluctant to take her. Once in her arms, she just stared at her. All she could think about was how much she looked like Chakotay. She hadn't realized a tear slid down her cheek until Chakotay said something. "Kathryn, are you alright?"

"I'm fine, just tired is all."

"Here, let me take the baby then so you can get some sleep." Chakotay noticed that she said nothing more as she gave him the baby and then turned her head away from them. He placed the baby back in the crib and walked into the office to speak to the Doctor. "Doctor, do you mind if I have a word with you?"

"Of course, please have a seat. Just let me finish this...alright, what can I do for you?"

"Well, it's not necessarily for me, but for Kathryn. Something seems to be wrong. She is not as happy as I thought she would be."

The Doctor gave him a reassuring smile. "I assure you Commander, everything is fine with her. It appears she is just suffering from exhaustion. Spending hours in labor can take a toll on anyone, even for the most physically fit. Give her a few days."

Chakotay nodded and left him to his work. Kes had dimmed the lights while Kathryn slept. He looked in the crib and saw the baby sleeping as well. He leaned down and placed a light kiss on the baby's forehead. Then he walked over to Kathryn's biobed and looked at her for a few minutes. Something bothered him about her reaction earlier and he didn't believe what the Doctor said about it being from exhaustion. Quietly he left Sickbay and headed back to his quarters. Once there he sent out a ship wide announcement about the birth of the baby. In the background he could hear the cheers from the crew. Finding that he was himself exhausted, Chakotay stretched out on the couch and quickly fell asleep.

Several hours later in Sickbay, Kathryn slowly began to wake up. The lights were dim, but the Doctor wasn't around. She looked towards his office and saw the lights on, assuming he must still be activated and working. Her attention then moved to the crib. She sat up and quietly moved off the biobed. She winced as she started walking, noting that she was a bit sore. Once at the crib, she looked down and saw the baby asleep. Moving her hand along the edge of the crib, she reached out and lightly stroked the baby's head. The baby stirred a little, but didn't wake. Kathryn took her hand away and watched her. So many things were going through her mind right now. She thought this would be a special time for her and Chakotay, but recent events had shaken her to the core and now uncertainties plagued her heavily.

"Captain...What are you doing up?" The Doctor startled Kathryn from her thoughts and she quickly wiped the tears from her face. "You shouldn't be up, you need to rest Captain." She didn't acknowledge the Doctor's presence, she just kept looking at the baby. "She is beautiful isn't she? Do you have a name picked out yet?" The Doctor looked at Kathryn when she didn't respond. "Captain, are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm sorry Doctor. I guess I'm just still tired." The Doctor was beginning to see what Chakotay mentioned to him earlier. He helped her back to the biobed and gave her strict orders to remain there until morning. She nodded and slowly closed her eyes, trying to let sleep come to her.

The next day Chakotay came by in the afternoon to take Kathryn and the baby back to her quarters. She requested a site-to-site transport, not wanting to make the walk back. Once they appeared in her quarters she noticed the wooden crib sitting in the middle of the room. Walking up to it, she ran her hand along the edges.

"I hope you like it. I started working on it months ago. I didn't think I would finish it in time after everything that happened." He walked over next to her and placed the baby in the crib.

Kathryn tried to fight back the tears that threatened to emerge. "It's beautiful Chakotay. Thank you."

"I was wondering Kathryn, when are we going to name the baby. We've never really talked about it and well..."

"Chakotay, can we talk about this another time? I'm really tired and would like to take a nap."

"Alright, I'll stop back later tonight." Kathryn was about to protest, but nodded. Chakotay watched as she headed to her bedroom. He stayed for a few minutes to make sure the baby fell asleep and then headed to the bridge.

Over the course of the next week, Chakotay spent as much free time as he could with the baby. He noticed that Kathryn remained distant, only holding the baby when it was time to feed or change her. He asked Kathryn several times about naming the baby, but each time she complained about being tired or having a headache so he dropped the subject. Chakotay also noticed that she slept a lot more than usual and this concerned him. One day at the end of his duty shift, Chakotay stopped by to speak to the Doctor about Kathryn.

"Doctor, I'm not sure what to do for her. She barely acknowledges the baby, only when its time to feed or change her. I can't even get her to name the baby. She sleeps constantly and I don't think I've seen her eat much since the birth." Chakotay leaned back and ran his hands through his hair.

"First Commander, I do want to apologize to you." Chakotay looked at the Doctor a bit confused. "When you approached me shortly after the birth, I'm afraid I dismissed what you were telling me as pure exhaustion. Given that the Captain was suffering from some depression before the birth, due to your accident, I should not have taken things lightly." Chakotay nodded and let him continue. "It appears her depression has gotten worse and at the moment the only remedy might be you."

"Me? Doctor, if you haven't noticed, Kathryn barely wants to have me around. The attack on Voyager changed all that." Chakotay looked at the Doctor with great sadness.

"Commander I don't want to pry, but you may be the only one who can help her through this. Her lack of attention towards the baby may only get worse. Whatever is bothering her needs to be resolved immediately."

Chakotay sighed deeply...he knew the Doctor was right and now he had to find some way to help Kathryn. "Thank you for your time Doctor. Can I count on you for your help if I need it?"

"Of course Commander. Whatever you need, just let me know." Chakotay nodded in acknowledgement and left sickbay. He had a lot of things to figure out.


	22. Chapter 22

_I apologize for the long delay...things have been crazy lately. I'm not sure if this chapter came out the way I had hoped...so please provide feedback. Thanks!_

Over the next few weeks, Chakotay tried to keep a close eye on Kathryn. He wanted to try and give her some space, to see if she would come out of her depression, but at the same time was protective of the baby. He knew Kathryn wouldn't harm her, but continuing to neglect her wouldn't help the situation. Every evening after he got off his duty shift, he would go to Kathryn's quarter to spend time with her and the baby. He usually was the one to fix dinner and at times had to practically force her to eat. Chakotay knew Kathryn was uncomfortable with him being there so much. Although she rarely held the baby, there were a few occasions when he caught a smile on her face from something the baby did, but it would quickly disappear when she saw him looking.

The time finally came when Chakotay knew he had to talk to Kathryn. One evening when he stopped by her quarters as usual...ringing the chime and not getting an answer he let himself in. He heard the baby crying in her crib and found that she needed to be fed. He immediately replicated a bottle and sat down on the couch with her. She quieted once Chakotay gave her the bottle and he wondered how long she had been crying like that. Once that was done, he placed the baby in her crib and walked to Kathryn's bedroom. He stood in the doorway, watching her sleep. _How could she sleep through her crying? _Sighing he walked back out into the main room and kneeled in front of the crib. His daughter was lying on her back, cooing as she kicked her legs in the air. "We'll make Mommy better...I promise."

The following day Chakotay spoke to the Doctor and Kes, and asked for their help. It was agreed that the Doctor would request for Kathryn to come to Sickbay early in the afternoon for a check-up and Kes would drop by her quarters after she left to pick up the baby and look after her.

Chakotay arrived at Kathryn's quarters shortly before the Doctor was to contact her. He was nervous about the whole situation, but knew it had to be done. He rang the chime and was surprised when Kathryn let him in; lately he had to use his override code. He found her curled up on the couch looking out the window and the baby asleep in her crib.

"How are you today Kathryn?" He took a seat on the couch, but kept his distance.

"I'm fine," she kept staring out the window, "you're here early. Normally you don't come by until your shift is over."

"It's been a pretty uneventful day and so I turned the bridge over to Tuvok. Unless anything major happens I have the rest of the day free."

As if on cue, the Doctor interrupted their awkward silence. "Sickbay to Captain Janeway."

"Janeway here. What can I do for you Doctor?"

"Captain, I would like you to come to Sickbay so I can give you a check-up. It shouldn't take long." Kathryn sighed. "I'll be there in a few minutes Doctor. Janeway out." She stood up and glanced down at Chakotay. "I guess I had better get this over with. I don't know why the Doctor has to insist on so many check-ups?"

"He's just doing his job Kathryn. Besides, he did say it wouldn't take long. I'll be here when you get back and then maybe the three of us could go to the Holodeck."

Kathryn didn't look at him. "Maybe...I really should get going. Don't want to keep the Doctor waiting." With that, she quickly left her quarters. Waiting a few minutes, Chakotay then contacted Kes who came by to pick up the baby. He then sat quietly in Kathryn's quarters, patiently waiting for her return and contemplating what he was going to say.

A half hour passed and Kathryn returned to her quarters. Chakotay was sitting quietly on the couch when she walked in. As she passed the crib, she noticed out of the corner of her eye that it was empty. She looked over at Chakotay and saw he wasn't holding the baby. "Chakotay, where is the baby?"

"She's not here."

"Then where is she?"

"Does it matter?" Kathryn's head shot back in his direction and he knew he hit a nerve.

"What do you mean 'does it matter?' Where is she Chakotay?" She was rather annoyed at his question.

"Like I said Kathryn, she isn't here. As for my question to you, I'm surprised you even care that she isn't here. You barely acknowledge her presence anyway." He hated saying it, but the only way he knew to get through to her was to be brutally honest.

"How dare you say that to me..." Before she could continue, Chakotay quickly got up from the couch and advanced to her. She tried to move back, afraid of what might happen, but he grabbed her arm to stop her. He was angry and she could see it in his eyes.

"How dare I? What I said was the truth." She struggled to move away from him, but he wouldn't let her budge. "Over the last few weeks I have watched you slip deeper and deeper into this depression of yours. You sleep more and more every day. You barely acknowledge her!" He pointed to the empty crib. "When are we going to name her? When am I going to see you actually hold her? The crew is constantly asking me when they will get to see her and Neelix wants to throw a party. I keep having to make excuses, but I'm starting to run out of them. I can't sit by anymore and watch you self-destruct!" He stopped and tried to calm himself down.

Kathryn yanked her arm from Chakotay's grasp and moved quickly away from him. "Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!" She put her hands over her ears and kept repeating it. Kathryn moved away from Chakotay until she felt her back touch the wall. He watched as Kathryn cried...almost in hysterics. He hoped he hadn't gone too far with all of this. Slowly he moved closer to her, wanting to try and give her comfort. He placed his hands on her arms and quietly said her name, "Kathryn." Although she heard him, she tried to push him away, but he wouldn't move. Her fists clenched, she began to pound them against his chest. "Why are you doing this...WHY?" Chakotay let her scream, hoping in some way it would help. The pounding began to diminish and he wrapped his arms around her. Her body stiffened at his touch...then she accepted it.

"Come on, let's go sit down." Kathryn didn't say anything as Chakotay led her over to the couch. He reached his hand up to wipe away the tears that slid down her cheeks. "Kathryn, I'm not going to apologize for what I said to you. I love you and want to help you get past what's bothering you." She brought her hand up and placed it around his, which was caressing her cheek.

"You know what's wrong Chakotay." She moved her gaze away from his. "I can't let there be an us, we've been through this before."

"You're scared, I understand that, but I'm not going to sit idly by and watch you let it destroy you. We have a child together and your acting as if she barely exists." At the last statement Kathryn began to cry again. Chakotay sighed..._this is not going as I had planned_. He moved closer to Kathryn and took her into his arms. She didn't object as she felt him rub his hand up and down her back trying to soothe her. Chakotay heard her sobs begin to quietly subside. She slowly sat up and looked at him, his face showed all the signs of worry and fatigue.

"I never meant for any of this happen, you know that don't you?" Chakotay nodded, but kept quiet. "Before the attack on Voyager, I was so happy. For the first time in years I started chipping away att he wall I had built around myself. The aftermath from the attack just brought my fears back again. I'm scared to let anyone in. There is love in my heart for you and our child, but..." she took a deep breathe before continuing, "...if I show it, I'm afraid I'll loose you both."

"Kathryn, I've told you before there are no guarantees. You can't let your fears rule your life; it will only end up destroying you. I think you know that if you continue this, our daughter will come to resent you as she gets older. Denying her the love she needs quite possibly could have its own repercussions." Kathryn's head quickly shot up and she looked at Chakotay. He could see worry in her eyes.

She let her head fall into her hands as she quietly began to cry, "I've made such a mess of things." Chakotay quickly pulled her hands away, "no you haven't. There is still plenty of time to fix this. I want to help you."


	23. Chapter 23

_I apologize for taking so long to get this chapter up. Life decided to throw me some curve balls the last few months or else I would have had this up sooner. Thanks to all that have been patient._

"Why? After everything I've put you through these last few months and…" Before Kathryn could continue Chakotay stopped her with a kiss. He pulled back and looked into her eyes, "because I love you that's why." Kathryn leaned in as Chakotay took her into his arms. He knew it would take some time for her to say the same words back to him again, but deep down he could feel she felt the same way. He was just going to have to reassure her. After a few minutes, Chakotay tapped his commbadge, "Chakotay to Kes."

"Kes here Commander."

"Kes, I think the Captain and I are ready for you to bring the baby back to her quarters."

"I'll be there in a few minutes Commander."

Kathryn sat up and looked at Chakotay. "You had Kes in on this too!"

"Kes and the Doctor were concerned and wanted to help any way they could. I knew they would take care of her while I spoke to you." Kathryn just smiled and leaned back into Chakotay. Neither said a word as they waited for Kes's arrival. Chakotay rubbed soothing circles on Kathryn's back and she took comfort in it. The quiet moment was broken when door chime sounded. Chakotay got up and answered. He spoke quietly to Kes before turning around and walking back into the room with the baby. Moving in front of Kathryn he brought his arms out. "Why don't you hold your baby Kathryn?"

She slowly moved her arms out, a bit hesitant at first, and then took the baby into her own. She brought her close to her body and rubbed a finger against her soft cheek. Chakotay sat down beside Kathryn and brought his arm around her. Kathryn leaned in, but didn't take her eyes off the sleeping baby. Chakotay saw her say something, but didn't quite hear her.

"What did you say Kathryn?"

"Kira…" She turned her to look at him. "Kira Nicole." A smile came across Chakotay's face. "It's a start Kathryn, it's a start." He leaned in and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

The weeks passed and Chakotay saw a definite improvement in Kathryn. A party had been thrown in honor of the new arrival and Kathryn had also returned to bridge duty, but working a limited schedule. Evenings were spent with Chakotay, mostly with dinners in her quarters. He could see that she was much happier now, but when it came to him there was still some apprehension. Some evenings they would cuddle on the couch and this would occasionally lead to some heavy kissing. Kathryn would eventually pull away, telling him she was sorry. It would frustrate him, but he tried not to show it. This was usually when the evening would end and Chakotay returned to his quarters.

A few days went by before the same scenario played out again…cuddling, then kissing, which eventually led to Kathryn pulling back. "Damnit Kathryn!" Frustrated Chakotay got up from the couch and moved to the viewport.

"I'm…"

"Don't say it Kathryn. I know _you're_ sorry. You say it every time." Kathryn could hear the hint of anger in his voice. She got up from the couch and moved beside him. He didn't turn to look at her, but saw her reflection in the viewport.

"What do you want me to do Chakotay?"

Chakotay sighed and turned around to look at her. "I want you to trust me. I don't want to see the fear in your eyes anymore." Kathryn started to turn her head away, but Chakotay softly grabbed her chin and brought her face back to him. "It's there right now, whether you want to admit it or not, I can see it. I don't want to push you, but at the same time I want to be with you. I love you." Kathryn didn't say anything. She just moved forward and let Chakotay take her into his arms. He lightly kissed the top of her head. "You know, its getting late. Why don't I go? We can talk more another time." He lifted her chin up, kissed her softly on the lips, and left her quarters.

Over the next few days, Kathryn and Chakotay barely spoke. She worked to catch up on reading some reports and he decided to give her some space. At the end of the week, he decided he would have another talk with Kathryn. He stopped by her quarters after his shift to find her reading a book while Kira was asleep in her crib. "Kathryn, I've reserved some Holodeck time and would like you to spend it there with me."

"What about Kira?"

"I contacted Kes and she will be here shortly to look after her. I would very much like you to join me." Kathryn didn't say anything, only nodded. A few minutes later Kes arrived and they set off for Holodeck One. When they arrived, Chakotay accessed the program he wanted and they both walked in. Kathryn let out a gasp when she saw what was before her.

"New Earth."

Chakotay walked up beside her, "I started working on it shortly after we returned. This place brought us such happiness that I didn't want to forget. I hope you don't mind."

She was afraid to speak. He had every detail down…just as she remembered. She saw the shelter out of the corner of her and walked to it. Chakotay followed, but kept himself some distance away. Walking in the door, Kathryn closed her eyes and the memories flooded her…_the ancient legend…when she admitted she loved him…when they made love._

"Kathryn?" She jumped slightly, not having realized that he was behind her. "Are you ok?"

Turning around, he could see that her eyes were filled with tears. "I didn't mean to upset you with all this. That was the last thing I wanted to do. I've been concerned." He took a deep breath before continuing. "I know things have changed since we left here. A lot has happened…between the pregnancy and the attack on Voyager…" He saw her flinch at the last part. "but I love you …I just hope you still feel the same."

Kathryn looked into his eyes. She knew she felt the same way, but was afraid to open her heart again. Chakotay took hold of her hand, "why don't we go take a walk."

They walked in silence along the stream that flowed near the shelter. Finally they stopped at their favorite spot and Kathryn leaned against the huge boulder. Chakotay moved closer and took her hands into his own.

"Thank you for bringing me here Chakotay. This…" she bit her lower lip, "this has made me realize that I have to stop running. Since the attack on Voyager I've been running…running from what has brought me so much happiness…you and Kira. I love you Chakotay…I haven't stopped." Before she could say another word Chakotay pulled her close to him and kissed her. Kathryn wrapped her arms around him and welcomed it. When they pulled apart, she rested her head against him.

"I've been such a fool for putting you through all this. I'm so sorry." Chakotay slowly pulled her away from him and looked at her with a mixture of sadness and anger.

"Don't ever be sorry for how you feel Kathryn. That's what makes you who you are. You've been through enough in your life and this was the only way you knew how to deal with it. I just want you to learn to not let your past dictate your future…ok?"

Kathryn smiled as a few stray tears fell. She leaned in and tightly hugged Chakotay as she felt him kiss the top of her head. "What do you say we head back to your quarters and spend some time with our daughter?" He felt Kathryn nod against his chest. They made their back to her quarters…Chakotay spent time with Kira until it was time to put her down for the night…and then he and Kathryn talked for awhile. When Chakotay was ready to head back to his quarters, Kathryn took hold of his hand and stopped him.

"Stay?"

Chakotay brought his hand to her cheek and rubbed it softly. "Are you sure?"

"This is where you should be. Not next door….separated from me or your daughter."

Chakotay leaned down and softly kissed Kathryn's neck. He heard her moan slightly as he continued. "I love you Kathryn."

Kathryn took his hand and led him to the bedroom. Just as they entered the doorway, she turned and looked at him. "I love you too!"

FIN


End file.
